Noah's been quite content in his stroller all week, so much so I've spent hours driving him around the neighborhood. I don't know if this is going to be a trend or just Noah's good week. I've noticed him trying to gather more stomach muscle strength, we are still very far from being able to sit, but I think with lots of work he'll get there someday. I tried to put him in a grocery cart with one of those pillow like things you put in the center of it, but Noah has no sense of balance of head control, even with padding blankets or a pillow behind him it just wasn't going to work. People passing by just gave me these looks like I was trying to torture Noah or something, they don't understand that he's different, that I have to do odd things to try to support him. Sometimes you want to stop and tell them hey he has brain injury, but then you figure if they probably wouldn't care anyways, not their problem, not their child.
I've had emotions lay heavy on me this week. It's been one of those deep in thought, painful weeks but not necessarily for me and Noah, but for everyone, the world in general. I look at Noah and just hope that God spared him to change this world for the better, I see my generation failing at making the changes that need to come. As I watch the news or watch horrible documentaries, I can't help but think someone has to come on this earth to stop it, to fix our wrongs.
I've also been feeling very heartbroken over other mothers' journals with children that have suffered brain injuries. Some are very much struggling right now. I feel crushed as I read word for word. My tears flow for them in genuine pain. I cannot stop feeling for them, I ache with worry and sadness for children that are not my own. Knowing that I sit helpless clinging on every painful word they say. I want so much to fix everything for all of us. All I can do is pray, I have no other line of defense for my sadness, grief and hope. One mother said this week she wanted God to take her son and relieve his pain. I can't get past that. I know what it's like to feel that way. Pain can become so blurry that you don't know what you should be asking God for. And there are so many parents out there that take all these carefree moments with their children for granted. If they only knew what the other side felt like just for a moment they'd understand our cross is heavy.
Next week Noah starts therapy three times a week for the next eight weeks. We're going to try to be aggressive with therapy and then determine if he can go to twice a week after that. I'm praying so hard that therapy will help guide him to his road to an independent toddler capable of playing and running like everyone else.
Chris and I are so blessed to find help in small ways. And we continue to be very thankful. For those of you that have not forgotten our little Noah and still send him care packages, thank you always and forever; to caring people at Saturn North who gave our car new breaks and are fixing broken coils at no charge. Every little act of kindness matters beyond words. I encourage all that may come across Noah's updates to never stop doing kind things for another. It could be the simplest thing, but it could change someone's day or life forever. We all need to take time to do something special for another, to put ourselves in the backseat rather than the front. To park that ego that says I have to come first. That's what will start to make this world permanently a better place. A place I want to leave Noah to care for when we're no longer here.
Please pray for all those moms this week that are caring for their special needs children. There are millions of us and often times our hearts are heavy and our tears flow endlessly. Never take your children for granted, life is so very fragile.
I'll leave you with Noah's seeking "little lady ad" and yes Noah's hair is just incredible!
My name is Noah and I live on the 2nd floor. I am a capricorn and enjoy long walks down the hallway and strolls at Best Buy. I enjoy eating, pooping, screaming and arching. Looking for a little lady that doesn't mind therapy and long nights. I have attached a profile picture of myself and yes ladies that is my real hair, no extensions here. Must love my mother and reach all my toys for me. If you think you could be the one, please drop me a line.
Love, Stacy, Chris & Noah
Love, Stacy, Chris & Noah