I took Luke grocery shopping with me over the weekend while Noah stayed home with his dad. Luke and I had wandered a few aisles before a lady with a little girl in a car seat carrier stopped us to ask how old Luke was. I think I knew what she was doing before she ever spoke. I passed her and she gave me that same glance I used to give other mothers when Noah was a baby. The look of uncertainty and desire to be inquisitive. I told her Luke was four months old. She said she noticed him grabbing, reaching, playing with toys, smiling and babbling. She explained her daughter was five months old and not doing any of that. You could tell she sensed something was wrong with her baby, but didn't know what. She said she had an older child so I knew she was familiar with typical baby development. I explained Noah to her, and his special needs being my first... not really going into depth much about his specific problems. In hindsight maybe that wasn't wise to mention Noah, I didn't necessarily want to scare her into all that "might" be wrong, I just wanted to offer her comfort - to know she wasn't alone in wondering about development or comparing. Her instincts were already telling her that something wasn't quite right with her child of five months not even being able to smile yet. She turned from me quickly as if she were terrified with no where to run. My heart wanted to run after her and hug her and tell her regardless she was going to be okay. But I stood still, frozen looking at Luke for guidance. His eyes told me I could make it worse, so I walked away.
I wish I could tell you that it gets easier each day, that somehow you heal yourself. But you don't. I have good moments, but I have equally crushing moments filled with mega flowing tears and a broken heart. However, as God has it, he makes me listen to things I need to hear, people I need to meet and lessons I must learn from. Today he sent me a song called "Mama Don't Cry for Me." by Harker and Wolfley (found here for listening) http://www.vimeo.com/27847555
I wish I could tell you that it gets easier each day, that somehow you heal yourself. But you don't. I have good moments, but I have equally crushing moments filled with mega flowing tears and a broken heart. However, as God has it, he makes me listen to things I need to hear, people I need to meet and lessons I must learn from. Today he sent me a song called "Mama Don't Cry for Me." by Harker and Wolfley (found here for listening) http://www.vimeo.com/27847555
It is written about an Autsitic child, but the words mean exactly the same in the land of special needs mothers.
God knew what I was feeling today. He was telling me he doesn't make mistakes. Noah was meant to be here - God sent him back to me after thirteen long minutes knowing the road for him would be a hard one. He knew I would shed countless tears. That I would cry for him at least once a day. There is purpose in Noah's life. There is a reason that he survived against all odds against him. The lyrics in the song are as follows:
God knew what I was feeling today. He was telling me he doesn't make mistakes. Noah was meant to be here - God sent him back to me after thirteen long minutes knowing the road for him would be a hard one. He knew I would shed countless tears. That I would cry for him at least once a day. There is purpose in Noah's life. There is a reason that he survived against all odds against him. The lyrics in the song are as follows:
Seven tests and 13 weeks of doctors she heard the words no mother wants to hear. Her little boy won't be like the others. He's gonna need a lot of help through the years. She couldn't hardly breathe so she just listened. When the doctors left the room she came undone. But she's always known that God doesn't make mistakes. For a moment for all that she could do was pray. She looked in his eyes and her heart heard him say, can't you see? I was meant to be. Mama don't cry for me.
Years went by and her prayers kept on growing. Help me be his mamma today. Oh, God give me strength. She wondered if she'd ever really know him. But even through her tears she wouldn't trade one day. Cause she's always known that God don't make mistakes. With a little faith she knew she'd be okay. She looks in his eyes and her heart hears him say, can't you see? I was meant to be. Mama don't cry for me. There was pain, but there was joy. And she looked at life from that little boy.
Cause she's always known God don't make mistakes. When his high school graduation finally came. He whiped his mama's tears, a smile was on his face, he said look at me, I am so happy, mama don't cry for me. Mama don't cry for me. Mama don't cry for me.
So many of us out there crying for our little ones.
Love,
Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Years went by and her prayers kept on growing. Help me be his mamma today. Oh, God give me strength. She wondered if she'd ever really know him. But even through her tears she wouldn't trade one day. Cause she's always known that God don't make mistakes. With a little faith she knew she'd be okay. She looks in his eyes and her heart hears him say, can't you see? I was meant to be. Mama don't cry for me. There was pain, but there was joy. And she looked at life from that little boy.
Cause she's always known God don't make mistakes. When his high school graduation finally came. He whiped his mama's tears, a smile was on his face, he said look at me, I am so happy, mama don't cry for me. Mama don't cry for me. Mama don't cry for me.
So many of us out there crying for our little ones.
Love,
Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.