Without question having a child with significant special needs forever
alters your life. It completely changes the person you were before.
Patience, perspective and priorities become clear. You suddenly
realize all the years you spent getting upset about trivial things like a
wrong coffee order, or someone taking a parking spot you were waiting
on means nothing. Other aspects of your life also change, how you go
about doing things, how you plan, and where you go. And the part that
many don't openly discuss - how you handle relationships whether it's
friendships, casual contacts or even family significantly changes. Your
faith in humanity is altered, you see more good than bad. You want to
believe with your entire heart that the world is well-intentioned, pure
and just as innocent as that disabled child that lays before you.
After
Noah I found myself with each passing year growing more dependent on
others. The independent, self-providing person I was disappeared. I
quickly realized I could not accomplish everything that needed to be
done and also care for Noah full time. It started off as little things
like not being able to shovel your snow timely according to city
regulations, then to repairs like the sink leaking, a toilet not
working... to even yard work, I lacked the ability to even water or go
pick a garden I put so much love into. Because Noah took every ounce of
my time. I learned quickly that giving hearts without expectations of
something in return were rare. I learned if you needed help that we'd
likely have to find a way to pay for it, as often times love, kindness,
and help are not free.
We recently needed a door replaced.
So off to Lowe's we went. We purchased a door had it measured by their
installation team and installed. Something that should have really been
a no big deal kind of thing. A young guy, at 24 years old came who
was contracted to help his dad. I didn't think much of it, figured he
must know what he is doing if Lowe's hired him as a contractor. The
door went in, but immediately was off center, you could see daylight on
all sides and it was allowing heavy rain to come into the home. He also
said he couldn't re-hang the storm door that was already there in front
of the door we needed replaced and said we'd have to go purchase a new
one at the store and he'd be back to install it the following week,
which meant more money for us with an anticipated door that likely
didn't need to be replaced at all - just because he said he couldn't
rehang it. I called Lowe's who sent him out again to fix it, was told
he'd be out to fix the door. Upon his arrival he said our new balance
to fix the door and install the new door that he said we needed because
it would no longer fit the new frame was $180. He demanded a check
payable to him, indicating it would get back to Lowe's. I trusted and
wrote the check - we needed the door fixed. The door continued to have
problems, the trim and wood and insulation continued to show through on
the interior and exterior and it dragged on the flooring so badly you
couldn't even hardly open it. Once again we called for repair, once
again he came out, lifted up the frame and added little pieces of
plastic in the corners of the door to offset the fact we were seeing
daylight and it was still not installed properly. Upon his last visit
he said he could help us order an interior door that we needed and
quoted us $400, said he'd get it done and the door ordered for us
through Lowe's. This time he asked for cash as he'd get a better
discount with Lowe's for ordering the door with cash. We gave him cash,
knowing this door would really help Noah be protected from a bathroom
light at night, something that Noah struggles with. He called the next
day, demanding an additional $300 saying he under-estimated the cost of
the door as it would need to be a custom size, we declined as we have
no more money and had to acquire debt to even pay him the $400, he asked
if I'd pay him off over a period of time, again we declined indicating
we had no more money - even down the line. He called back saying he
could indeed order the door after all since Lowe's gave him a
significant discount on the price of the door, but requested to come
back to take measurements one last time.
Noah has been sick
with a sinus infection and has been vomiting. In true little brother
sharing-germ-style both kids have passed a bug. I've been so occupied
with blow out diapers, vomit and keeping everyone as healthy as possible
and running to the doctors that I've been a busier than "typical day"
special needs mom. I asked him to come by when the children were well
that now wasn't a good time, but he rang my doorbell anyway a 1/2 hour
later. I opened the door thinking it was my mother on her way to rescue
me with an extra set of hands for two very ill children. Noah threw up
upon his arrival, so I tended to cleaning him up while he went about
measuring a door in another part of our home. He shook my hand and was
quick to disappear. As annoyed as I was that he stopped by when I
specifically asked him not to, it left my mind quickly as I continued to
feverishly get the boys ready for a doctor's appointment.
After
dinner we learned the worst thing had happened. Noah's communication
IPad had been stolen. It's bulky, safe padded cover - one that is even
difficult for an adult to remove or put on was empty and thrown under
the bed. My heart sunk. I knew immediately what had happened. Without
question. Without any shadow of a doubt. He stole Noah's IPad when I
left him unattended in my home, all the while I was taking care of a
severely disabled child who was vomiting on the floor.
I
contacted the police department, who investigated. The contractor later
confessed to attempting to selling it at Game Stop without success, who
later found strangers to sell it to for $180, and then he turned around
and gave the money to his drug dealer. The police officer doesn't
have hope we'll ever recover Noah's communication IPad, which was filled
with so many expensive applications that we've purchased over the
years. Something that Noah uses religiously everyday of his life.
Something he expects, something he demands to keep him happy and
entertained. I gave him opportunity after opportunity to scope out our
house, to know where that IPad was generally kept, I trusted him and
gave him money that I thought was going to Lowe's and wasn't. And now
we are out money that we don't have to replace. Stupid feels like an
understatement. I feel like I have sucker written all across my
forehead.
In my trust in others, I never imagined that I
would be taken advantage of with a special needs child. Never dreamed
that I would be viewed as an easy target. But I was. And I should have
known. I made it easy because I had my hands full and was distracted.
And it happened right underneath my nose in a matter of minutes. In my
extreme need for help because my husband and I lacked the time to work
on a home project ourselves, someone seen a golden opportunity to use
us. A hard lesson I learned. While I recognize that I still will
inevitably lack the time to take care of things around the house without
hiring help, I have to realize that not everyone has good intentions,
not everyone will look at Noah and feel badly for him, not everyone will
have it in their hearts to help a struggling family with a disabled
child. It's the first time I understood just how easy we are to take
advantage of.
Please pray for the miracle of the recovery of
Noah's stolen IPad, even though the police officer feels it is
unlikely. I feel so badly that this happened to him. I feel so
responsible that I didn't properly protect something he loves so
dearly. I should have known better, but I have let my guard down so
much since Noah's birth. I want so badly to believe everyone we come in
contact with cares about this little boy that they meet. And although
some changes and lessons about having a child with special needs have
taught me so many important aspects about life - this lesson was hard.
Love,
Noah's Miracle by
Stacy Warden is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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