Noah Is Under Construction

Noah met with his Friday therapist for the first time, Nickie. He was really fascinated with her and although he was very tired from deciding to skip a morning nap, he did really well. He loved that Nickie would sing to him, he studied her intently. We also measured him for his belly band and I will have to call and order it next week since they aren't open until Monday. I also ordered his Rody pony today. Chris liked the blue Rody pony so that is the color Noah will be getting.

Noah may have a lot of things lacking with his movement, but Noah sure is a smart little guy. He knows when I'm feeding the dogs and gets upset, if he thinks I'm cooking or making something to eat he makes a monkey like sound because he wants to eat it too, if I drink in front of him same thing. He gets upset because he's not getting any. I think the fact that Noah is studying, learning and thinking is a great sign that he is understanding the world around him.

I also went to Babies R Us yesterday to get Noah a step stool for therapy. There were a lot of little babies in the store maybe around three to four months old. They all were like red flashing lights to me that I couldn't help but look at. I tried not to, I knew what I was doing was seeing what they could do. But like a moth to a flame I couldn't help myself. They all were playing with their hands in their mouth. They're skilled with already manipulating their little fingers to get what they desire. I can't wait for the day when Noah learns how to do that. His arms are so stiff that bending his hands in that way is very hard. Side by side you can tell there is a difference between Noah and other babies, but that's okay, I suppose it's going to be even more evident. It can be hidden only so long. But somehow it doesn't matter. I'm very proud of the fact that Noah was granted a chance at life.

This week has been a hard week for Chris and I, and I think that it's only fair that I include ourselves in speaking of Noah's journey. We are a family, all three of us, and we're in this together. In all honesty I'm not sure that I would even know how to censor how I'm feeling or what I write nor should I be asked to. This is a place where I come within myself to say what my heart feels, the thoughts that fill my mind. My hopes, dreams and wishes for Noah's future, for our growth, courage and continued strength as a family. I don't want to sugar coat things, pretend that everything is fine when it's not. That's not reality, and that would give everyone that wants to learn about Noah and what this is like a sense of something it isn't. I want what I say to be real, candid and raw with the truth. The picture isn't always pretty, Chris and I don't wake up smelling roses everyday, yet there are sunshine days where we start to see blossoms forming and the clouds clearing if only for so ever briefly. And I want to talk about all those things and everything in-between. We can be judged at the end of the day for it. But it doesn't change anything. In the morning we will still be the same people, walking up doing the best that we can do each and every day as Noah's parents. I know there are so many people that could never understand, but as another mother told me: I don't think we'd wish you to fully understand because you'd have to be living this and we wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I found this poem in a magazine that was just sent to the house. It reads:

Dear God,
I 'm still under construction,
but even though I'm small,
I know you'll steer me right
and guide me in the long haul...
Help me keep on truckin'
with your power from above,
And with rock-solid values
of faith and hope and love.

It reminded me of Noah and how he's still under construction. God's continues to build him and he remains a work in progress. But I think Noah just might be God's best work yet.

Love,
Stacy, Chris & Noah