It's now August and it seems that the sound or crickets at night has intensified. In the background you can hear an overlay of the locusts trying to be heard. Night has become nature's insect symphony. I find myself trying to seek out comfort and reassurance somehow in the music they are making. They are peaceful and precise. My mind can race a million times over right before bed, recounting the days events, the events that lay ahead for the following day, where I hope the future is taking us, and where we've been before. I try to think about how to cover all our bases, and what else I could possibly do to help Noah.
He will be 20 months old at the end of this month. And still cannot sit, talk, crawl or walk. I ache in a way to just have him do just one thing so I can say to the world "you were wrong" Noah will do it. The predictions cannot be true. My heart says it's impossible for them to be true, he's just delayed. The little train that could will get to the train station someday. I balance fear and hope better than the Scales of Justice can measure support and opposition.
I can read every book out there about the subject, trying to sort out the latest medical technologies, therapy advancements, and equipment. But nothing in print can ever ever prepare you for what this journey is really like. Many books are simply cold, and odd about it. I've heard that conversation in my mind countless times; he will "never" do these things. Reading it in print is really no different than being told in person. It leaves you feeling hollow and empty. You're constantly hungry for positivity that seems to be lacking around every corner. The only hope you can find in literature really are the people that have walked the road and found their hope and successes along the way. I cling to that knowing there are some that find a way to make all their mobility and motor skill dreams come true.
I read an article the other day titled Myths about disabilities:
"Myth: A Child with disabilities is a Gift from God"
As it further goes on to state this was not a productive attitude to have with a special needs child. However it didn't really have a suggestion for how you should view your special needs child. As a defect? As something lesser than God's divine work?
When you hear a special needs family say that their child is a Gift from God it's doesn't mean that we think we have a child that is more precious or special than another child. All children are a Gift from God, regardless of what challenges they may or may not have been born with. However, I do feel that special needs children are born with something the rest of us simply don't have. Maybe they hold onto their innocence longer, maybe they know something the rest of us don't, maybe they are closer to God. Even though I can't put my finger on quite what it is, somehow these little wrapped up challenged packages do indeed seem to possess something more unique than most others. Sweet little souls lighting up all the dark corners of the world. Yet no one really gives them much credit unless they physically appear like the majority. They are often forgotten and discarded as unimportant members of society.
Another companion article described various religious views on those with disabilities describing them as divine punishment. I don't believe that disabilities are the result of divine punishment, no do I believe that Karma can explain all forms of suffering. After all let's be honest; if you're on this planet you're going to suffer in some way before you get off it. And it could be argued that there are others that seem to be far more deserving of divine punishment than these special little ones. Sometimes you'd like to educate those that have that view that special needs individuals are to be banished, not looked at, and ignored. But you can't fight ignorance. You can only build upon the good things the world has to offer, not the bad. That is your only hope for making the world a brighter place.
I do continue to search out new things that might benefit Noah. It was recommended to me that I should try noni berry juice, primarily for Noah's occasional constipation. I researched it briefly to find a handful on information on all it's claimed health benefits, one included aiding in the restoration of neurological functions. That would be fantastic if it did just that, I'd order a supply in gallons. I'd have the whole family hooked on it faster than I could say the word "go."
I don't know if the claims are true, nonetheless I gather up all these tid-bits of information and store them under "food for thought" folder. Medical science has come so far, but the brain is still a mystery.
"I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think a little room that has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones."
- Arthur Conan Doyle
Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.