It has been an exhausting week. My car has been declared a total loss, which I anticipated. Yet until you actually hear the words "declared a total loss" you somehow think, maybe it really wasn't that bad, maybe they can fix it. Maybe it's just part of that "hope" that I've tried to build over the last two years. Be hopeful about everything. I had a few hours where I honestly grieved the loss of that car. Silly I know. We should never attach those types of feelings to an object. I sat and remembered about putting my Nitrofish racing decal on it, when it was hours old. A decal that was a gift from my dear friend Eddie, who was like family to me, who since passed away. It was the first car I ever raced at Bandimere, I brought Noah home from the NICU in it, it was the car I met my husband in, it was the first brand new car I ever owned. It was the seventh model of it's kind sold and made in Colorado. Lucky number seven. I will miss that car, but really it's the memories that I attached to it. Of course I feel like it's just another dilemma for us, how will we find a way to replace a vehicle that we need?
Last week was busy for Noah and therapy. I suppose that was good, as it kept my mind off all these overwhelming thoughts of things I cannot change, problems I cannot fix. Noah is doing wonderful with warm water. He lets the teacher hold him the entire time, while I just remain his cheerleader on the sidelines. The water is so warm that by the end of the session his body becomes so lose and flexible. He is just so relaxed. It's so interesting to see him do things in water he cannot do otherwise. The way he moves his legs and arms, I hope that eventually that transfers over to things he can permanently do.
Noah has also decided he wants to talk and place an order whenever we go through a drive-thru for food or drink. It is the funniest thing and I cannot help but laugh every time he does it. He turns to the direction of the speakers and shouts as loud as he can in his own words, often times I have to repeat myself just to talk over him. But it is the cutest thing that he thinks he is ordering something, or has at least figured out you talk into the speaker and get something. I really wish I understood him. I keep thinking that surely this can't mean he's non-verbal. I want all of this to turn into speech someday.
Last Friday I thought I needed a sugar pick-me up so I took Noah over to Lamars for a donut run. I was semi-annoyed that all the handicap spaces are continually filled with non-handicapped vehicles. I know that people think they'll only be a few minutes and that it is okay for them to park there. But what takes the average person a handful of minutes, takes someone like me with a special needs child tripple the time. I had casually mentioned it to the store owner over small talk at the register that I wished able bodied customers wouldn't do that, he was so nice, although I know it's out of his control. He gave me a discount on a donut, and gave me a lamar's coffee tumbler. Although that wasn't my intention for mentioning it. It was just a casual, non-angry vent, as really that kind of thing happens a lot of places I go. But his kindness did not go unnoticed, and I will always remember that. Able bodied people don't realize that those spots really aren't conveninece for people like us, but a necessity. We often travel with so much equipment that we need the wider spaces. And I've always been honest about our handicapped parking. If Noah isn't with me, I don't park in those spaces. It is that simple. Not to mention my name certainly isn't on the handicap permit, Noah's is! I can walk, and if I don't have Noah with me I don't need those spaces. Walking is a gift. And I don't mind walking further even if that means I get wet in the rain, or snowed upon, or if I'm really cold and it's windy.
Although our load is heavy, we will always continue to hope for a better tomorrow.
“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?”
Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.