Noah has had a pretty decent weekend. You can't really tell anything happened, although I've been guarding him like a mother hawk. I have yet to get my center of gravity back and although he seems to be doing fine I feel like I simply am not. Maybe I was overly confident that any types of emergencies would skip Noah. I can't seem to shake those terrifying moments, and I keep seeing him gasp for air and making these sounds in my mind. Replaying it over and over to figure out the cause. I'm hoping it was a one time fluke, something that won't repeat itself. I honestly don't know how parents handle witnessing their children in a medical crisis on a regular basis. My heart aches for all them.
I'm still trying to recapture the Christmas spirit that had come so easily and happily this year and getting ready for Noah's second birthday. We went to a church Christmas play with Noah's buddy Bill, Noah of course did really well, but Noah seems to really like church atmospheres. Chris and I always try to make light that Noah got thirteen more minutes of a conversation with God then we each both got. Sometimes there are just qualities to Noah that are unexplainable, but like my older brother reminds me, it's in Noah's eyes that there is something he's been gifted with. A secret perhaps? I don't know. I hope he's able to tell me one day. He often has a variety of heavenly expressions that make you melt and feel complete peace.
I've spent hours watching Noah sleep in the last few days. I suppose I'm a bit exhausted and worked up. With time I'm sure that will get better, the scare is just so fresh, and it had this ripple effect - this painful reminder and feeling of those seventeen days in the NICU. The smells of hospitals come back, the sounds, the people. It's forever haunting. And no less at Christmas time just like it was at Noah's birth. The darn tinsel and garland hanging at nurses stations. The Santa hats here and there. Listening to the still of machines and intercom noises.
These amazing collection of Secret Santas that have gathered for our family this year, have made the world of difference. Sweet messages arriving in cards, a beautiful pocket prayer quilt... tender little gifts of love - they're all coming at the perfect time, words I need to hear just on that particular day. There's nothing really else to explain it - other than it's a God thing. It's one of those life experiences that you just will never forget - that special Christmas when people all over the world cared and prayed. What a comfort it has been the last few weeks.
Thank you for all those that continue to pray for Noah, that he'll continue to grow stronger in the years to come, that he won't have any more scary episodes of any kind.
"I believe in prayer. It's the best way we have to draw strength from heaven." ~Josephine Baker
Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.