I watched a video few days ago from Nichole Nordeman called "Slow Down" and you know it was one of those moments where you're just flooded with a ton of emotions. I ache for the child that never will run away from me, and also ache for the growing child that is finding his independence faster than I ever wanted. I'm torn. I'm in between two spaces. Forever frozen in time with Noah, and propelling way to fast with a fleeting childhood with Luke. I became a mom over seven years ago. And, as my journey would have it, I can't just be a mom. I'm so many other things just to help my severely disabled child and also do my best to balance my other son's needs. I get up each day and live in two different worlds that collide like a crashing thunder in my heart. The majesty of it all often leaves me without words.
Yet, I fully embrace and celebrate the season that I am in. The here and the now. A beautiful blue eyed precious by that melts me with his happy squeals and communicable laughter, and his five year old sidekick who likes to pretend I'm a seed and he's the bird and pretends to gobble me up on my arm. I need not a fancy token of my children's love or a memento to stash a way in a box. I know that I am valued, loved and needed by the both of them. As moms we're all in the middle of something; pain, joy, difficulties, shifting through feelings of self-worth, pride, disappointment - and fear... gosh fear and worry that's a big one if you're a mom. We're in the biggest balancing act of our lives. Yet through it all here are these little tender faces staring up at us with such admiration as if we are the greatest superhero to ever exist in their lives.
On Mother's Day it doesn't matter if life blessed you with healthy children, or if your children were gifted with life but are living life with a multitude of physical or mental challenges, or if you adopted, or if you created life that was taken much too soon from your loving motherly arms. We're all to be honored, cherished and adored on this day to remember all of us. We flourish knowing that we've done the best we can do at the end of the day, no matter how wrong or right that we put our best foot forward to shape, love and grow tiny people into the best people that we can to leave the world behind with. My greatest legacy will be who I taught them to be, (whether they remember it or not or chose to act upon it) I know I will make them good people capable of choosing extraordinary paths for themselves.
In a world where materialism is blooming more than any Mother's Day bouquet, I can't offer my children the latest in technologies or toys, because we're too busy trying to keep our heads above water with Noah's basic out of pocket medical, therapy and equipment needs. I can offer them cotton ball bunnies, endless kisses, pet rocks, lady bug catching, card board houses and endless use of imagination. And I am hoping and praying they'll be better people because of it all. Despite the hardships, the habitual storms (evidenced in Mother Nature's yearly reminders in the form of Colorado snow and hail storms)... that you can come out of the end of it as a beautiful rainbow.
Please remember to disable Noah's music on his blog page to watch the video :)
Happy Mother's Day
Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.