Saturday, December 27, 2014

The Heart of Christmas 2014

Without contest, this Christmas was the most challenging and difficult since Noah's birth.  I just kept getting hit with heavy news.  I never could catch my breath, never could recover before the next low blow hit me.  Makes it exceptionally hard to catch the spirit and place it in your heart when it's so broken.   I found myself lost.   Managed to make it through Noah's birthday, only to suffer more when something terrible happened Christmas Eve, never quite fully recovering Christmas Day.  But I did my best to move forward for my children - for Noah.  At the heart of everything I endure is for him.

Noah was so blessed to have such a beautiful and bright Christmas.   A group of women I've known since just before Noah's birth coordinated such wonderful gifts for him this year,  and The Butterfly Fund .  I don't know what I would have done without them.  I never could focus this holiday season, and they rescued me from not being able to provide the kind of Christmas I wanted to for Noah.   My mother I guess said it best, that I've simply been living in state of shock this entire month.   And the world certainly brought me to my knees on several occasions. The harder you get knocked down the harder it feels to get up on your feet each time.   If it wasn't for Noah I likely would never make the effort to stand again and keep going.

We are so excited about lots of new therapy and adaptive toys for Noah.  Now that he's older he needs so much more age-appropriate stimulation but toys that will do half the work for him.  Noah received a switch adapted Mr. Tumble toy that his speech therapist coordinated through a new local foundation called Santa's Little Hackers .  They are donation based and provide no-cost toys that have been custom switch adapted in a large workshop to reduce the cost of providing toys to children at Christmas.   Switch adapted toys are very expensive.   Double if not often five times the cost of a traditional toy you'd find at the store.  

Noah is in love with his adapted Mr. Tumble who will now talk to him by hitting a switch.  He also received a switch adapted domino train that will lay dominos and then knock them over, a teddy bear that will communicate with him by way of his daddy's cell phone, and a switch adapted race track.   Noah was also gifted with the Zoomer Dino/Dog toy that will allow him to give his toy his own commands by programming it into his Tobii Eye Gaze device, a talking book reader that will read any book to Noah.  And those who love Noah so dearly gifted him with soft tumble forms, great for helping him with his positioning on the floor and new clothes and socks to keep him warm until we can get past these winter months.

I wasn't even focused on anything I wanted this year, I've just been too overwhelmed to give myself any kind of thought.  But when I received a very special package from friends in the UK, it made me feel such warmth and love.  It arrived on Noah's birthday -  a set of pajamas, Christmas pudding and cake, British Potato Chips (my favorite in the whole world), teas, Christmas coffee, and shortbreads, Postman Pat for Luke, and Mr. Tumble for Noah... such a loving gift.  A comfort package from across the pond.  I lived on all those goodies Christmas Day.  Felt like the biggest long distance hug you could imagine.  That box was every bit The Heart of Christmas and a gift I will always remember.

I was overly eager to take down Christmas this year.  The tree and decorations came down as soon as it was over.  I know Noah loves the season but I needed to just clean it up and move forward.  I need an easier 2015.  I am not sure how much more God can expect me to endure.

Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering 'it will be happier'...”
-Alfred Tennyson


Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.