Sunday, August 3, 2014

Meltdowns and Trolls

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Days when you just can't win for trying.  We all have them.  You know those days when for whatever reason the odds are not in your favor and everything seems to be a big ugly challenge.  Noah has been having them. I've been having them.   I can't really tell the root of Noah's problems.  I think it's maybe a mixture of not feeling particularly his best, a hint of crankiness from sleep complications, and a tad bit of frustration that he cannot verbally communicate and I sometimes fail to get his wants satisfied because I guess wrong.  

For the first time in maybe years, Noah had a big messy meltdown at the zoo.  His favorite places of all favorite places.  How is that even possible? Chris and I looked at ourselves in disbelief.  Hadn't we permanently put these types of Noah challenges behind us?  We were both slightly terrified that we forgot what the angry pissed off Noah was all about.  We hadn't seen that side of him in a long time.  It kind of took us by surprise.  Luke wanted to walk.  No correction, run without holding my hand.  Noah wanted out of his wheelchair to be toted over his dad's shoulder ... and the wheelchair didn't want to walk itself.  These are the moments where I'm sure we look absolutely hysterical to other people in public.  Laugh on people it's quite the trip.   Just be glad you're not on it.  

We assumed this meant Noah wanted to leave the zoo, but it could have also met that he was thirsty, or that he was mad Luke dropped his ice cream, or that the train was shut down for repair, or that we went left instead of right or that we ate when we first arrived which wasn't normal routine, or that Luke was walking when he cannot.   We couldn't trouble shoot, so we opted just to leave, which meant we guessed wrong because as soon as we hit the car heavier tears and protest started signaling he didn't want to be at the car and didn't want to go home - but yet we knew he was so angry even turning around again would only offer us a 50/50 chance of a happy Noah resolution.  

One of those damned if you do, damned if you don't moments. 
It's okay Noah, I have those types of moments lots.

Thankfully, upon arrival at home, a banana Pediasure his favorite, and Mr. Tumble all seems well in the world of Noah again.

And even in these types of challenging situations, Noah still teaches me valuable life lessons.  I  had one of those today is not your days last week with an encounter from an internet troll. Haven't heard of the term before?  Well an internet troll is defined as people who are frequently anonymous (but not always) that post comments aimed to upset others through inflammatory remarks.  These are individuals that usually possess the traits machiavellianism (willingness to manipulate and deceive others), narcissism (egotism and self-obsession), psychopathy (the lack of remorse and empathy), and sadism (pleasure in the suffering of others). 
Don't FEED a Internet Troll
What makes me so deserving of this negative feedback flung my way?  How does one become a troll target?  It's all because I simply have a blog and discuss our pains and joys publicly, openly and honestly.  You're like wait let's hit the breaks here.   Sometimes you want to simply say screw it all.  Just screw all of it.  Put duct tape over your mouth and tie your fingers together so you don't have the ability to type another word.  Silence, you tell yourself must be golden.  And then consider having a big meltdown Noah style. 

But then you collect your thoughts and realize all that stuff is outside garbage.  Literally.  I think some people need this hobby of cyber stalking other people only to be wicked, cruel and confrontational.  In the end it must make them feel so much more powerful than they must feel in real life.  And when you speak about your life in any public way it often opens the door for the very bad people to walk through and very wonderful people to walk through.  A mixed bag of peanuts.  Lots of people simply cannot resist the urge to criticize, challenge and belittle others even if they are an outsider looking in with very minimal details about a much larger picture.   I do often wish the internet trolls would just stay under their bridges and leave others alone, but that's only wishful thinking.   And some special needs parents themselves are trolls... sad but true.  They're not all good apples.

The lesson learned is:  don't sweat the small stuff, and in the end that's about small as you can get in my day.   And there is so much sweet power in the "delete" button, on your computer, in your head, and in your heart.  Who cares?  I'm a special needs parent.  I have a job to do, which doesn't include stewing on crap and comments that have no meaning.  I'm too busy trying to interpret Noah's needs, decipher his meltdowns (which admittedly today I sucked at), and make him a happy and healthy little soul with his own very special signature in this world.  I don't have much time for all the outside unnecessary noise.  I'm marching forward, quite proud of the job God has laid before me... parenting two incredibly wonderful little boys, and one that comes with a lot of extra special challenges.

So trolls park your comments at the door - I refuse to feed you! 


Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.