Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Noah in Airplane Heaven

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Noah had a fantastic weekend watching planes at the Rocky Mountain Airport Air show. I could hear him squeal and giggle with excitement. It was the first time he had the pleasure of watching more than one airplane at a time in the sky. Chris and I have no idea why airplanes have always fascinated him so much. He's loved them since the second he spotted one. He searches them out if he hears the slightest airplane noise.

A month or so ago we hung an airplane in his nursery, he watches it every night before he goes to bed. Elmo and airplanes are definitely his first loves. His daddy really likes planes too, so it was nice to watch them have a really wonderful weekend together just bonding over planes. Chris just toted him around all day place to place. His little sidekick in one arm. The two of them are a beautiful sight together. Noah is truly blessed to have such an incredible dad. He loves him beyond all measure.

Noah has taken to a slight habit of occasionally grinding his teeth. It's a bit un-nerving to listen to much like nails on a chalk board that give you that tingle down your spine. Thankfully he doesn't do it constantly, but it would be super if he'd outgrow that. All of his teeth aren't even in yet. He has a long ways to go. He's just my sweet little late bloomer.

Noah seems to be just getting longer by the day. Like a little green bean. He feels like he's getting heavier too! Growing fast, and with each day I'm sure it becomes more and more apparent to people that milestones are missing. I passed the park on our walk the other day and there was a man spraying weeds from the city. He made the comment as I passed him, "I guess I don't have to worry about him playing on the playground with chemicals."

Honestly I didn't know how to take that or even respond. I'm not great with instant comebacks. I usually have to stew on it for awhile before I come aimed with a really smart targeted response. I just politely said "I guess not" and walked on, assuming that he had visually guessed Noah had no capabilities of playing. It doesn't probably help that when you have these little daggers hit your heart that you can really say much at all. What is there to say? Yes Noah is different, but he's still a beautiful human being. And I don't think anyone should count him out, if that playground was special needs accessible like they all should be then you better believe we would have stopped to play, and would have needed his "play ground off-limits chemical warning speech."

Sometimes you'd like to give people the benefit of the doubt and think that they just don't think before they speak. And that they suffer from the "open mouth, insert foot syndrome." But with some I know their words have intentionally been aimed to hurt. There's not much you can do with that except try to distance yourself from all the negativity you can. Noah just continues to smile on, and that's all that counts. He is blissful, happy and content regardless of what his physical limitations are. Didn't matter to him one bit that "Mr. Chemical" blindsided us and said he wasn't capable of playing. It would be so sweet if years from now we bumped into this same person and Noah was on a swing or headed down the slide.

I wish that too for the medical community that they'd be forced to eat their own words: "Noah will never amount to anything." That's because Noah will amount to everything!

"It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters."
Mother Teresa


Saturday, August 28, 2010

Noah's Fundraiser Night

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Blue Canyon Bliss
Premier Design Jewelery Display

Noah's Ark Lamp

Noah had a great time at his fundraiser it was so nice to be with family and friends. Our new friend, Brigitte with Premier Designs Jewelry gifted Noah with a Noah's Ark family heirloom lamp that had been in her family for sometime. What a sweet and overwhelming gift. It looks exactly like our little Noah. He is so true to his name.

It was an absolute pleasure to meet the owner of the building, Mr. Foss, himself. I've been going to Foss Drugs since I was a little girl, and then frequenting it on my lunch breaks from work as an adult. I was so sad to see Foss Drugs close, but so very glad that he allowed new wonderful tenants; the owners of the Blue Canyon Grill. It was also so very nice to see former law clerks that I hadn't seen since Noah's birth and my resignation. They've all left the courthouse now and gone on to great careers, yet they still took the time to come to help Noah. Judges and division clerks stopping by on their lunch breaks, that I missed seeing, but it means so much just to know they are there for us. My mother's entire work office came, Chris' childhood friend came, family who drove a long distance, and all our closest friends. New friends came, passer-bys who had a soft spot for a little picture of a boy on a flyer. It was like having all this love gathered under one roof. We got to spend the night with the owners, Jolynn and Tedd, and I adore their company. They are the most amazing couple with the biggest hearts on earth. They celebrated the news of my pregnancy with Noah, fed all my cravings, made us a meal when times looked the darkest after Noah's birth, and here they are helping us to find ways to continue to help Noah with his medical and therapy costs. Friendships this beautiful are a gift.

We feel so woven in this incredible blanket of love. You've wrapped us up, hugging us tight with reassurance we will not fall, because all of you are there. I pray that I can one day properly explain to Noah how all of you have come together time after time for him, how much you love him, support him, and would do just about anything for him.

The Blue Canyon Grill is holding one more event for Noah:

Noah's All You Can Eat Pasta Dinner Buffet!
Saturday, September 18th 3:00pm to 6:00pm
The Blue Canyon Grill
1224 Washington Avenue
Golden, CO 80401

Adults $10
Children 10 and under $6

All proceeds will go to help Noah with medical and therapy expenses.

Tickets are on sale now, and all ticket stubs will be entered into a drawing for door prizes.
For more information or to purchase tickets please contact me at goforette@msn.com or the Blue Canyon Grill at (303) 271-0730.

Thank you all so very much for your continued love, support and prayers.

"One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind."
~Malayan Proverb


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

To the Ends of the Earth & Back

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Upon my mother's recommendation, I searched out a documentary about a boy with autism and his family's journey to Mongolia in search of a miracle, titled "The Horse Boy." I seem to gravitate towards movies and documentaries that show the reality of life. There are not necessarily always happy endings, there are no sugar coated story lines, make-up and glamour. Real life, real people, real stories. The pain is evident, their hope jumping out of words and into your heart. I don't ever want to become numb to pain, mine or anyone else's. It is those feelings that drive our hearts, and move us to help one another. We're all struggling for a better tomorrow for the ones we love.

"How far would you go to heal the one you love?"
For almost all of us the answer would be to the ends of the earth and back.

We've been so blessed that there are so many of you out there that are helping us do just that. You're helping us give Noah all that we can. You're sending him daily prayers, kind words of encouragement in his guestbook entries, and helping us find a way to continue on with Noah's therapy and medical needs. God has rallied the most amazing village for us. All of you that care so deeply about this little blue-eyed boy with a smile that lights up the sky. The outpouring of love is overwhelming and beyond anything I ever imagined was possible in the hearts of so many.

Our wonderful friends at The Blue Canyon Grill and Brigitte from Premier Designs Jewelry, have worked so hard on this fundraiser for little Noah. They've generated all the flyers, pamphlets and jewelry books on his behalf. They are working so hard to make this event a success for Noah. The owner will occasionally send me updates, and I can't help but get all teary. I have this soft spot in my heart knowing that none of this is possible without all of you. Your love, support, prayers and help have helped get Noah this far. It's one of the most amazing things I've ever witnessed in my entire life.

The Blue Canyon Grill is open from 11am to 2am, so for all of you that like the night hours, please feel free come by for a late night game of pool or drinks. They will be donating 20 percent proceeds for the entire day, including the late night hours. Jewelry starts at 6pm for display and purchase.

The Blue Canyon Grill
1224 Washington Avenue
Golden, CO 80401
(303) 271-0730
Thursday, August 26th from 11am-2am
6pm Premier Designs Jewlery

Thank you to each and everyone one of you. Your prayers alone fuel us, so please don't feel badly if you're unable to attend or give us anything but your kind words and prayers. That in itself is more than we could ever ask for. All of you that continue to hope and pray for Noah, God bless you always from the bottom of our hearts.

With more love than you can image,

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Noah in Dreams

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The other night I had my very first Noah walking dream. When Noah was about maybe a year old I had a dream of him crawling under an office chair and me trying to fetch him. I thought that dream was spectacular, but my most recent dream surpasses that. Noah was walking. I put him down after a pool session and he walked against a wall, turned down a hallway and ran. It felt so real. I could smell the chlorine from the pool, feel the warmth of the room, hear his feet echoing down the hallway as he ran. His dad turning to me with tears saying "look at him go" and me saying the classic "I've got to call my mom!" It was the most vivid beautiful experience. I'd love more than anything to think it's a premonition of something to come. That he will indeed walk, that the biggest dream is yet to come.

It's a bit ironic that once upon a time I dreamed of silly things like becoming a concert pianist, opening my own holistic pet store, traveling to Italy. And now I just want something simple. I dream only for my child. I no longer have dreams for myself, I don't grieve the loss of those dreams, they were unimportant and trivial, compared to what I dream of now.

I've had others tell me they've had dreams about Noah pulling a red wagon, sitting up and clapping, or even talking. I'd like to believe those are such beautiful signs. I'm hoping that someday I'll get to see these dreams become a reality. They always tell you to becareful what you wish for because you might just get it, I hope that I do. I hope that Noah does. He is the sweetest, most deserving little boy ever. And I hope and pray everyday that good things will come his way.

When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality.
- Dom Helder Camara


Thursday, August 19, 2010

Noah & Equipment

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Noah's new car seat was installed. It gets five thumbs down. Noah not only hates the fact that he sits lower and cannot see traffic or me in the rear view mirror, but doesn't like his head boxed in, his legs spread apart, or the fabric that made him sweat like he just came out of the bath tub after only a seven minute drive.

Noah isn't a fan of most special needs equipment. We've found ways to try to rig regular baby items to accommodate him. His kidcart still remains a hated thing in the basement, even after it's foam modifications, arm rest removal, foot restraint removal, and crisscross harness disablement, he still thinks it is the worst creation on earth.

The bath seat I think might be the only thing we have that he will give a valid chance at, and I say that now since we haven't officially submerged it in water with him sitting in it. It may be fine now, but could be a disaster when used. Noah is simply particular in what he likes. Granted I know that some changes can be good, but for a special needs kid like Noah, things have to be introduced slowly and I can't force anything upon him or he'll just shut down and I'll wind up breaking his spirit. Noah is so driven, his determination so strong - that if I tell him to do something otherwise, it will be counter productive.

And in making that statement I know that we've had professionals in the past that would have said, if you take on that point of view, that you're doing a disservice to your special needs child, that they need to be disciplined and forced to do things. Noah understands the word no, he also understands words like clock, light, airplane, mamma, dadda, grandma, puppies and Elmo. He'll look when requested to find each object you ask him to find them (or at least the objects that he knows thus far). Noah isn't going to run rough shot on us or sass us back (although if he sassed me I'd be a bit pleased to know he could). Just because I'm not forcing Noah to engage in a type of therapy doesn't mean that he will not grow up to be a good child. Instilling values and therapy are two entirely different things.

It's hard because you balance recommendations from therapists, trying to incorporate what you can, knowing what won't ever work even you push your child beyond all limits, knowing in your heart you'd like to see the most recovery you can get, but knowing in the end a thousand people could have various opinions and you'll still come out of things right where you started. Chris and I do our best to follow what I call our inner compass. God doesn't give you a rule book with any child and he especially isn't going to hand you one for his greatest gift and challenge; the special needs child. For those who have been presented with this journey, you have nothing but your heart and love for that child to help you along the way, and of course this inner compass that you try to follow the best you can.

Is there a pass or fail to this? I don't know. If I do this over something else will Noah walk? I don't know. There are many schools of thoughts, and therapy methods out there. Each one of them is going to market their way is the right way. I try to gravitate towards what Noah responds to, what he seems to be receptive to. Every child is different, even in the special needs world. No two brain injuries are alike. One of my most favorite phrases; each so beautifully different just like snowflakes.

There is so much weight already on our shoulders, our minds swell with things that could potentially help, things that may hinder, or ideas that will simply be a flop. We have to chose a road and go with it, we can't look back and say maybe the other road was more scenic and flip a u-turn without knowing for sure. This path makes it especially hard for people designed like me; the planners. Flying by the seat of your pants all the time is an awkward feeling when you feel there is no ground beneath you. Maybe there is a right or a wrong way. But I don't know that any of us can really judge that for another. We can only follow Noah's lead and hope that he helps us guide him towards all the right avenues on his behalf.

Where hope grows, miracles blossom
-Elna Rae


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Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Monday, August 16, 2010

International Prayers

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We took Noah to Bill & Marge's Bar-B-Que this weekend. This year Noah was able to eat pureed baby food there, and participate a bit more than he could last year. He watched from a distance as Bill concentrated on deep frying homemade potato chips and watched Bill's arms as he flipped hamburgers on the grill. His eyes followed other small children here and there, as if he was interested in how they could play so effortlessly. Yet he didn't seem upset that he couldn't join in and participate yet. He just studied everyone.

It's always so nice to meet new and old faces that continue to pray hard each and everyday for little Noah. A missionary family from Nepal was there, they were so very nice and loving with our Noah. When we were getting ready to leave everyone gathered in a circle to pray over Noah. The missionary wife from Nepal gave Noah a very long prayer in her native tongue. I don't know what she said, but Noah seemed to. He was paying attention the whole time. I've learned to never underestimate the power prayers can bring. Prayers come in all different kinds of ways. It was a privilege to have Noah prayed over and blessed by those who have traveled so far.

This group of people never waiver on all that Noah can do. They don't share the same uncertain moments that I occasionally have. Their faith tells them one hundred percent that Noah is going to accomplish amazing things in his lifetime. That is probably one of the reasons why I enjoy their company so much. You will never hear any of them say, Noah "can't" or will "never" do anything. I cling to their certainty, their word that he only "will" do everything. They fuel my heart, and help erase those moments of fear that I have over Noah's future.

I also got to meet another new friend this week, Bridgitte with Premier Designs Jewelry. Upon meeting she seemed familiar like we've known each other for years. Hugging her felt like hugging a friend I hadn't seen in a very long time. Even though it was our first meeting, our hearts spoke to each other and I know that we'll be friends for a long time to come.

Bridgitte has provided me with catalogs for those wishing to make advanced purchases towards Noah's fundraiser or for those who cannot attend the event. I'm happy to get a catalog to anyone that needs one. If you would like a catalog or more information please feel free to contact Bridgitte at (303) 718-1886 or by email at fairyblingmother@gmail.com

Grow flowers of gratitude in the soil of prayer.
~Terri Guillemets


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Noah's "Friend Raising"

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I once heard a phrase that said a better word for fundraising is "friend raising." We feel so blessed to be surrounded by such great friends who love us so very much, even to the point of hosting Noah a fundraiser in order to assist his continuing therapy this September.

The Blue Canyon Grill and a representative with Premier Designs Jewelry offered to host Noah a fundraising event to help him with his upcoming therapy and medical expenses that are not covered by insurance.

Please Join us at The Blue Canyon Grill located at 1228 Washington Avenue, Golden, Colorado on Thursday, August 26th (all day).

20% of Food and Beverage Sales for the day will be donated to help Noah with his continuing therapy and medical costs. Premier Designs Jewelry will also be displayed at The Blue Canyon Grill and on sale with proceeds donated to Noah.

"A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves. "
- Lawrence G. Lovasik

Thank you your continued support, love and prayers.


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Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

August Crickets

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It's now August and it seems that the sound or crickets at night has intensified. In the background you can hear an overlay of the locusts trying to be heard. Night has become nature's insect symphony. I find myself trying to seek out comfort and reassurance somehow in the music they are making. They are peaceful and precise. My mind can race a million times over right before bed, recounting the days events, the events that lay ahead for the following day, where I hope the future is taking us, and where we've been before. I try to think about how to cover all our bases, and what else I could possibly do to help Noah.

He will be 20 months old at the end of this month. And still cannot sit, talk, crawl or walk. I ache in a way to just have him do just one thing so I can say to the world "you were wrong" Noah will do it. The predictions cannot be true. My heart says it's impossible for them to be true, he's just delayed. The little train that could will get to the train station someday. I balance fear and hope better than the Scales of Justice can measure support and opposition.

I can read every book out there about the subject, trying to sort out the latest medical technologies, therapy advancements, and equipment. But nothing in print can ever ever prepare you for what this journey is really like. Many books are simply cold, and odd about it. I've heard that conversation in my mind countless times; he will "never" do these things. Reading it in print is really no different than being told in person. It leaves you feeling hollow and empty. You're constantly hungry for positivity that seems to be lacking around every corner. The only hope you can find in literature really are the people that have walked the road and found their hope and successes along the way. I cling to that knowing there are some that find a way to make all their mobility and motor skill dreams come true.

I read an article the other day titled Myths about disabilities:

"Myth: A Child with disabilities is a Gift from God"
As it further goes on to state this was not a productive attitude to have with a special needs child. However it didn't really have a suggestion for how you should view your special needs child. As a defect? As something lesser than God's divine work?

When you hear a special needs family say that their child is a Gift from God it's doesn't mean that we think we have a child that is more precious or special than another child. All children are a Gift from God, regardless of what challenges they may or may not have been born with. However, I do feel that special needs children are born with something the rest of us simply don't have. Maybe they hold onto their innocence longer, maybe they know something the rest of us don't, maybe they are closer to God. Even though I can't put my finger on quite what it is, somehow these little wrapped up challenged packages do indeed seem to possess something more unique than most others. Sweet little souls lighting up all the dark corners of the world. Yet no one really gives them much credit unless they physically appear like the majority. They are often forgotten and discarded as unimportant members of society.

Another companion article described various religious views on those with disabilities describing them as divine punishment. I don't believe that disabilities are the result of divine punishment, no do I believe that Karma can explain all forms of suffering. After all let's be honest; if you're on this planet you're going to suffer in some way before you get off it. And it could be argued that there are others that seem to be far more deserving of divine punishment than these special little ones. Sometimes you'd like to educate those that have that view that special needs individuals are to be banished, not looked at, and ignored. But you can't fight ignorance. You can only build upon the good things the world has to offer, not the bad. That is your only hope for making the world a brighter place.

I do continue to search out new things that might benefit Noah. It was recommended to me that I should try noni berry juice, primarily for Noah's occasional constipation. I researched it briefly to find a handful on information on all it's claimed health benefits, one included aiding in the restoration of neurological functions. That would be fantastic if it did just that, I'd order a supply in gallons. I'd have the whole family hooked on it faster than I could say the word "go."

I don't know if the claims are true, nonetheless I gather up all these tid-bits of information and store them under "food for thought" folder. Medical science has come so far, but the brain is still a mystery.

"I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think a little room that has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones."
- Arthur Conan Doyle


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Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Noah & Carpetsaver

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Yesterday, Noah's daddy was a little late coming home from work, which meant that Noah didn't have his daddy's entertainment as I fixed dinner. Of course I got involved in a project that takes a bit of time; Chicken parmesan. I thought for sure Noah would be upset wanting his own dinner while I was trying to cook. But all was quiet, I could hear Elmo and I could hear him scooting about but not a peep in the other room. So I knew all was well and kept going using every minute he'd give me to finish cooking dinner. I got through the entire meal, even being able to bake garlic bread without a single complaint from Noah.

I got his meal ready, put dinner on the table for me, and Chris' in the oven to keep warm, and rounded the corner to get Noah into his highchair only to see that he had abandoned his diaper on the other side of the room. Pee and poop was all over in the middle of the floor, the phone and remote control I had left on the floor covered in Noah's business and he was on the other side with a naked butt and T-shirt smiling away. I should always know that "too quite" means mischievous, even for a special needs little guy.

Thankfully we have this amazing product on our carpets called carpetsaver. We had purchased it to lay over high traffic areas like hallways, both of our staircases, the family room and near patio doors when we brought our two puppies home years before Noah's birth. We've had to replace a couple of the high traffic ones just due to age, but they've lasted us years. Noah lays on carpetsaver primarily as if he lays on a blanket he gets it over his face and can't get uncovered on his own, and if he lays on straight on the carpet he gets rug burn on his cheeks and back from rolling. The great thing about carpetsaver is that it's light foam cling backing doesn't let moisture get through to the carpet, so it was easy just to roll it up and throw it in the washer, no need for me to find any form of carpet cleaner.

If you'd like to learn more about carpetsaver for your special needs little one that lays primarily on the floor or are interested in protecting your carpet you can purchase it online only at:


We're glad Noah had a great time with his first diaper free experience. I have no idea how he got out of that diaper unless he rolled so many times the tabs just gave way and came off. He certainly didn't slip out of it. But, Noah is great about little surprises sometimes, I'll have to keep an eye on him to see if he does it again and how he's doing it.

"Beginnings are always messy."
John Galsworthy


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Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Noah Discovers his Face

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It usually takes me a few days to sort various problems that land in my mailbox. Friday we received a letter from SSI indicating that Noah is making payments and wrote them a check. I called their offices today to let them know it was a mistake as we aren't making payments let alone Noah writing checks himself at 19 months old. Of course I was greeted by a representative that had broken English and was hard to understand. She proceeded to tell me that they don't believe they made a mistake and told me I either need to come down there in person or to make a copy of what was sent to me along with a letter explaining why I think they messed up and mail it (because a simple phone call doesn't do the trick).

Of course Noah doesn't like talking to government agencies first thing the morning on speaker phone and proceeded to cry and spit yogurt at me. I can't blame him, I feel the same way he does.

Chris and I took Noah for his first swimming outing at the local recreation center that has the closest temperatures of a warm water therapy pool. To our surprise not a single cry or whimper. He enjoyed every minute of his experience. He was even a good sport about getting water in his face from all the other children splashing about. He of course doesn't like the drying off or changing of clothes, even after his bath he is that way. We're hoping to keep Noah acquainted with the water now that we have gotten him past being upset until we start his therapy in September. We don't want him to forget that water is not a bad thing.

Noah has also started rubbing his face occasionally. I don't think he's really doing it purposefully, it's more like he goes to touch his hair and comes down with his arms realizing he has a face. But any touching, accidental or not I think is beneficial for him recognizing that he has eyes, a nose, a mouth and can do things with them. I'm hoping that he continues and it will bring some self-awareness about, I'd love it if he even realized he could suck his fingers, it would be the beginning to understanding he could put things in his mouth.

I'm finding myself in search of inspirational stories again. It's nice to always receive those occasional uplifting stories of children that have defied the odds against them and gone on to do incredible things in their lives. I keep hoping that Noah is and will continue to be one of those stories. Only time will tell. And I continue to remind myself to be patient - there is that saying that "Rome wasn't built in a day."

"All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope."
Alexandre Dumas Pere


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Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.