Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Strolling Backwards

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The wind took a break today so Noah and I ventured out to attempt the stroller today. The start was quite rocky. Tears per usual so I had to walk in front of the stroller and tug it by the sun shade until Noah calmed. I'm sure my neighbors must find me hysterical. I don't get to do much the traditional way. We walked up the street to where I went to elementary school. Today was field day. Out of all days I picked today to walk that direction. Hundreds of kids laughing, running, playing, kicking.

There is a piece of my heart that is broken that Noah may never get the chance to do things like field day. All those parents cheering their little ones on, not even knowing what a gift it is to have a child that moves so effortlessly. I don't blend in with them. Noah is old enough now that it's obvious in that he holds his posture different. They know I'm not like them. I'm the odd parent out. We cannot swap stories about our children running and getting into trouble, cannot chat about what little Johnny said this morning... they cannot relate to me. It's like I'm on this separate island, and no one wants to travel there, nor do they want to send me a plane ticket to come visit them on the main island.

The representative that is fitting Noah with his special shoes and theratogs came out today. She says she's seen all sorts of developmentally delayed children that do quite well. It was so very nice of her to say, and I genuinely feel she was telling me the truth. Not just trying to offer me false words of encouragement. She was very sincere and sweet even in offering me her own life's difficult experiences.

I still cling to that dream - that hope that Noah will still find a way to walk and talk. It's not about accepting how life is, or may always be. It's about loving your child so much that you can't give up. I wish God would just come to me in a dream and tell me if the happily ever after is being written. Or if he's chosen to make this book have a different ending than the one my heart is craving.

Faith Baby Children's Apparel is donating a portion of proceeds of purchases that come from Noah's blog site to help pay for his therapy costs. If you are interested in purchasing Christian baby clothing please click on the Faith Baby picture/widget on Noah's site and it will send a link to give credit towards your purchase for Noah. Please remember to use the picture link as that is the only way Noah will receive credit for your purchases.

“Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all.”
–Oliver Wendell Holmes