Saturday, April 30, 2011

Noah Becomes A Big Brother

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Noah's little brother, Luke Everett Warden arrived on April 11, 2011. Chris and I had decided to keep news of Noah's pending sibling private until after his birth, and celebrate the arrival of new life once he came. Luke is a little miracle of his own, surviving a car accident with me last fall. God has a plan for everything and he wanted Luke here. Noah isn't quite sure what to make of little Luke yet. But hopefully with time they'll be the best of friends. From the moment I looked at Luke I had this little voice almost say, he's your little lion, he will be here to help Noah, to protect him to guide him. So that's what I call him my little lion. Not to mention that he has this blond hair, a surprise to both his daddy and I.
Luke Everett Warden "Our Little Lion"

I must admit my emotions are running high. I feel so blessed to have both boys in my life, yet I significantly twinged when I witnessed Baby Luke being able to suck on his fingers and hands at only four days old, something that Noah cannot do at nearly two and a half years old. There are obvious differences between the two babies I have brought home. And I suppose I fear Noah's future more now than I ever did before. I had nothing to measure it against. Now I see exactly what Noah should have been doing at this tiny age. It's so bittersweet, but I feel so robbed of Noah's babyhood. I had no idea that babies ate and went to sleep, I only knew a fitful distraught baby that never soothed to anything.

We saved Luke's cord blood and tissues with the hopes that someday we'll be able to use them to help Noah in his recovery. A very expensive task we took on to store these stem cells, yet we felt that we couldn't just throw this potential opportunity away for Noah in the future. It may make a huge difference in his life one day. This is something has significantly put us in even further debt, but I figure it can't get much worse than where we are, we basically have nothing anyway. And I thank goodness that there was one last open charge card for such a thing. We really have no idea how we're going to pay for it, or even the annual storage fee, but we felt like we couldn't let this opportunity to pass us by if it could indeed help Noah. They are currently doing sibling stem cell trials for cerebral palsy and expect clinical trials to be over in two years or less. Luke's tissues provided 855.40 million cells that we could save. And I pray with every ounce of my soul that someday somehow, Luke will have provided the medicine we needed to change Noah's life. What an amazing thought that a younger brother could make such a difference in his older brother's life.

Noah is doing much better with his illness. I think we are over the worst, yet I am watching him, guarding him, to assure that he doesn't have a relapse. He's on a second round of antibiotics, since it's a bit harder for him to clear his lungs than children that are mobile. I'm sure the days ahead will be a bit stressful as I figure out how to balance two boys, both that are not self-sufficient in anyway. I've had to put therapies on hold because I know that I cannot get both boys to therapy on my own, I have no help. Chris and my mother both return to work, and there is only me. God must have a plan, and I hope that he tells me what direction I'm supposed to go in. I feel a bit like a fish out of water - Just taking each day as it comes it's all I know how to do. It's all I've been able to do for the last two years, and I continue to ride this roller coaster called life. Mine isn't easy. Maybe it never will be, I don't know. But I'm still hoping God shoots those special arrows my mother was telling me about, those special arrows that come with just a little help to assist me along the way.

There is no doubt that things will be difficult, but it is my hope that there will be far more joy on the way. I'm hoping that little Luke will help Noah in ways therapy may not be able to. It's like I'm experiencing this completely high joy from Luke joining our family, to this really high low looking at Noah feeling the loss of all his motor skills, a helpless mom as I watch on as he simply can only lay on the floor and look up at me and smile. I long for God to help me now more than ever. Please help me heal my Noah. Please grant us all some sort of a resemblance of a normal life, please just give us an easier path, please hear my prayer. I keep asking, and asking and asking some more. Noah is the most precious little boy ever. He lights up dark corners of my days with a smile and laughter so big, he is so deserving of the blessings to be able to walk, and talk and sit or even crawl. I long to watch both my boys run together someday side by side. Please God let it be so.


Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.