Friday, April 8, 2011

Still Sick...

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Noah is still struggling to get better. His cough is now pronounced, although not tremendously frequent. His appetite has been affected, he looks droopy and sad, sometimes I can catch a short smile or laugh in between the cries and moaning. I understand that he is sick, but I can't understand what he wants me to do when he cries. He can't tell me if he's uncomfortable and needs to sit, or lay down, or if he's hurting. I feel like I'm grabbing at straws, as is Chris and his grandma. All three of us taking turns trying to get Noah back to a good spot. I got him to eat cheesecake, he'll drink bottles really only for his daddy, and then there's nothing like falling asleep in the comfort of your grandma's arms. The fever has stayed down, I just assumed Noah would be more perky by now. I worry about him, hoping that pneumonia is all we're battling. They've checked his mouth, and ears and all... but I always worry what if there is just something else I am missing. This is truly a hard spot to be in, harder than I thought it would be when the time came. The lack of communication for me breaks my heart. I want so badly to talk to him... Even with Chris' help I'm down to mere hours of sleep, I cannot stop thinking about Noah and clinging to every sound on the baby monitor, counting his breaths to make sure he's receiving enough oxygen. Making sure I have a phone nearby should I have to place another emergency call for help. I of course am too still battling this illness, the same one I probably gave to him as much as I tried not to. He loves the taste of his antibiotics, which is great. We have no battles over taking medication. In fact when it's done he even gets a little mad that his dose is over and protests briefly. Like I've just taken away his cotton-candy treat. I worry about him not being able to clear his chest and cough things through like other children his age that are mobile. Without us he's stuck laying on the ground continuously. I'd feel so much more at ease if I could see signs that he was completely improving, but just like me, I'm sure this will take him a while to recover from. My hopes are that he'll battle it off quicker than I have been able to. I could tell Chris was a little sad over dinner tonight, he tries really hard not to dwell on Noah's condition, but it's hard to realize that this will be life-long for Noah and for us. He mentioned he'd do anything to make Noah okay and take away all his problems. And he would, this excellent father with an amazing heart would do anything... just anything for his "little buddy." As I write, they are currently snuggling together. As I can hear Chris whispering in his ears sweet nothings in an attempt to help soothe him to sleep. At the end of the day we don't have much, but one thing we're not short on is the love we have for each other. "Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength." — Christopher Reeves Love, Creative Commons License Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.