Thursday, April 30, 2015

Another Door Closes

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Today was Noah's last day at warm water therapy.  His therapist has retired.  My hope was that they had plans on replacing her.  I still have hopes that they do, but so far after four months of advanced notice they haven't sought out a replacement to hire.   Noah is very smart, and I didn't have that conversation with him - I didn't have the heart to say this is your last day doing something that you love.  For the last 4 years and 8 months of your life you've come to expect this as part of your routine.   And now it's gone - maybe even forever.  
Noah Excited about Warm Water Therapy
So I quietly put on his swim shorts, knowing this would be the last time for a long while, without him really knowing why.  I couldn't find the words to say this is the last time you'll be seeing her - because he gets so happy and squeals with delight.  How does a mom to a special needs child explain why people come and go from your life?   And how one day you can lose something that you love doing? 
Noah working hard putting grasping & releasing knobbed puzzle pieces
It seems unfair of me.  While I've grown accustomed to people walking in and out of my life frequently since Noah's birth, I have learned to accept that there is a reason, a season, or a lifetime for all relationships that come my way.  Although I'm not sure I've found anyone in the lifetime category (I have guarded hopes for a handful) but expect given a tragic circumstance or if I were to ever call upon them for help they'd realize I'm too much of a burden in their life.   But how does one tell a six year old that therapists have a job, and while they care about him, they simply move on to other things?  Forcing him into building new relationships or having that void that goes permanently unfilled.

It's not easy for Noah, he gets attached easily to routine.  Change is hard for him, he doesn't adapt often well.  Sensory challenges present themselves heavily, his tone gets more extensive and rigid as that is his primary way of expressing his emotions is through his body movements, his moods sometimes can be incapable of soothing and unpredictable as he adapts to change.  And his bruxism can reappear.

So I opted not to tell him.... but he will figure it out.  Maybe not next week he'll simply think we're on maybe spring break vacation.  And if they do find a replacement he will question for sure where his therapist went - a familiar pool without a familiar face. 

All I could think to do was get online and order him his favorite soothing activity to keep him occupied when he starts to get agitated by his change in routine.  A case of 48 Jumbo Coloring Books from the Dollar Store to keep him busy, shredding and ripping them apart.  $68 with shipping and tax - thrown away money really as he can rip at least one apart a day in less then 1/2 hour.   But needed as it is one of the only tools I have - his favorite UK television shows and a case full of jumbo coloring books to get through his coping mechanism with change.

Shredding Jumbo Coloring Books
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.


Noah's Miracle by Stacy Warden is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.